Dream Roles

What are my actual “dream roles?”

There are tags going around among people on Facebook to name  what their ten top dream roles would be. Luckily, I don’t ever have to choose, because among the Facebook community it’s pretty clear that I have no friends. But in my own personal writing, I get to be my own friend and  share what my own answers would be because I’m here to TAG MYSELF! I’ll always listen, me.

SO here they are:

  1. My absolute first thought was Meredith from The (American) Office. A lot of it is because she gets tricked into shaving her head and I always wanted a real “excuse” to do that. Even though she probably wore a bald cap—but NO! I would go all outskies. Bald to the wall I should say HAHAHAHAHAHA.
  2. I guess I can say Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta for that same reason, although its not really a dream role. Good movie-just not my dreamiest role ever.
  3. Liz Lemon from 30 Rock and this is a dream in the most literal sense of the word. I obviously am just incredibly envious/inspired/in love with Tina Fey and no one besides Tina should ever play Liz Lemon under any circumstance ever. But this is a dream role, so hey.
  4. Anything in Heather Graham’s career. Heather Graham is my secret love and she is incredibly underrated and so funny and chill and earthy and- I just love Heather Graham let me live my life.
  5. When I’m like 40 – Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback, because it is meta and funny and sad and the commentary is spot on.
  6. Now for some stage stuff? I’d love to be in any one of David Lindsay-Abaire’s plays. He did forensics in High School and wrote his plays so that they could never be cut into pieces and I have failed on multiple occasions attempting to do so. Performing in any one of his plays would be an awesome tale of personal (low stakes) redemption.
  7. Stage list over. Not really- there is plenty of stage stuff I’d like to do but I just can’t think of stuff right now. Obvious classics like Blanche/Stella, Catherine in A View from the Bridge, Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and duh. In high school I was in Moon Over Buffalo as Roz. In the play she was supposed to be mean to her ex-boyfriend who works with her dad. I was playing the role opposite of an “ex boyfriend” in high school and my teenage angst was at full effect. The director said that was the best chemistry she’s seen in the course of her career. Sing about that one, Alanis.
  8. I’ll throw out Brie Larson in Short Term 12 because I just love that movie and it’d be huge challenge for me.
  9. Does a Late Night talk show host count? Get me in there.
  10. Some kick ass super hero like Batman. Nope, not hyper sexualized cat woman-FUCKING BAT MAN.

Some other dream rolls:

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cinnamon-rolls

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Disliked roles:

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That’s it. That’s the challenge. Now, you have 24 hours to complete the challenge or you have to donate 100 bitcoins to whoever is in charge of the internet. May the odds be evens.

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Golden Globes 2014 Nominees for Best Messy Buns

I like my men like Drake apparently likes his women; “in sweatpants, hair tied, chillen with no makeup on” except only in tuxes, hair tied, and chillen at the Golden Globes.  This year was an amazing year for film, television, and men with fabulously careless and dirty hairstyles. I don’t know if its because I live on the Lower East Side or if I’m just allured by the stark contrast of messy bun hair and suit, but  I have to say that these buns/tails were hypnotizing. There were so many exceptionally dressed men tonight in sharp suits but this post is dedicated to the men who maybe just got a little too lazy with the rest of the look. Keep on keeping on guys, that greasy little pony tail is the cherry on top of your effortless style. This is when you’re the prettiest boys, I hope that you don’t take it wrong.

Joaquin Phoenix

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Although we can’t really expect him not to be the broodingly sad kid in the corner,  props all the same to Joaquin for not looking completely scary at this years Golden Globes! Or should I say props to the hair tie keeping that magical little pony tail in place? Whether it was Scarlet Johanson’s voice that simultaneously helped him get over his failed rap career or the simple and magical new do, Joaquin definitely had himself partially put together this year. Good move, Joaquin and pony tail! I’m rooting for you again!

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Little bun peekin’ out the window.

Jared Leto

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We always miss Jared Leto when he’s gone and when he’s back, he not only reminds us all of his outstanding talent, but he reminds us that he sports some of the best dirty/effortless hair looks of our time. This year it was a low, “almost-a-pony-tail-yet-still-too-lazy-to-tie-it-a-third-time-so-I’m-keeping-it-as-a-bun” neck-warming type hairstyle. Keep on keeping on, Jared.

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Business in the front…

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Party in the back! Its like the new and improved mullet!

Last but not least….Alex Ebert 

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Despite all the wonderful messy buns sported at this years Golden Globes, I think Alex Ebert definitely takes the cake. He is the king of all lazy man up-dos. The best part is, this popular do is sported by him basically all the time, for all occasions. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was born with that hairstyle. This is why Alex Ebert is the winner of this years Best Golden Globe Messy Bun (not to mention he apparently parties on boats with Diddy..err I mean Sean John…and lives to tell the tale.)

Congrats Alex. It was tough competition. I for one wanted to run my fingers though all your pony tails, but sadly there can only be one winner. Until next year’s award ceremony that no one truly cares about. Stay messy, you handsome devils, you.

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

HOLD ON I DID NOT KNOW THAT RYAN GOSLING HAD A DOG.

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THIS NEEDS TO BE MORE PUBLICLY KNOWN.

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WELL APPARENTLY IT IS AND IVE BEEN MISSING OUT ON THE CUTENESS. HOW COULD I HAVE NOT KNOWN?!?!!? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE I KNOW HAS BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FROM ME. HOW CAN I TRUST ANYONE EVER AGAIN?

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WAIT THIS GETS BETTER.

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HIS NAME IS GEORGE.

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GEORGE GOSLING.

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MR. GEORGE GOSLING.

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WHAT A HANDSOME AND REFINED PUP.

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SUCH ELEGANCE.

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SUCH CLASS.

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Its not possible to love Ryan Gosling anymore is it? There’s no way that it’s possible.

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BUT THEN I DO SOME INTENSIVE RESEARCH AND I  FIND THIS:

http://www.celebitchy.com/315109/ryan_gosling_heartbroken_over_dog_doesnt_expect_him_to_make_it_another_year/

AM I TOO LATE? HOW HAD I NOT KNOWN??

BUT THEN I SEE:

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UGH THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS. ITS TOO BEAUTIFUL.

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I WONDER WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT?!

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PROBABLY EVERYTHING.

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I’M JEALOUS AND ALSO REALLY EVEN MORE IN LOVE.

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GOD BLESS GEORGE AND RYAN GOSLING.

Manatee Crush Monday!

Incase you don’t know, its Monday! So obviously I have to post a picture of my favorite manatee! I like this little guy! He’s so cute! Manatees are the best because they are mammals but they just wanna swim and do their own thing! They’re also super chubby and cute. Also did I mention chubby?! AND CUTE!! They look like little old men. Don’t you just wanna squeeze their faces off???!#!?!!

This is what Mondays are all about, am I right!!?

Happy MCM everyone!

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Oh hei guyz!

Things I Totally Love Right Now

1. DILF’s.

Nothing, I mean nothing, can brighten up a terrible commute on the subway, or a basic walk to Trader Joes than seeing a very attractive man with a baby. Not that I particularly love babies, but a hot guy with a baby in arm just screams “I am a man. I can take care of things. I am in my early thirties, I love craft beer and football, but I also love taking care of human life.” Its almost too much for me to handle. And lets be serious, the world agrees. Hence all the recent “Dad with KIds”-esque shows and movies. They are directly appealing to all the college women in the world still trying to find themselves (me). (Bonus points though, if their kids are actually well behaved and extremely adorable. More bonus points in they’re carrying them in one of those strap on backback things).

My favorite DILF?

Jimmy Fallon. (He’s my favorite everything). If this isn’t the sexiest thing your eyeballs have processed than maybe you should reevaluate how you see the world.

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2. Dunkin Donuts

I will admit, my recent love for donuts has hit me like a ton of bricks and the obsession is real. As a kid, I never loved donuts (crazy right) and I could take them or leave them. But now, I will take them. Always. Anytime. Any place. For every and all meals. Especially when I’m hung over. Dunkin Donuts or Entenmanns. I’m not a donut elitist, I will gladly take them all. Although Dunkin Donuts will forever be the best hungover food. Also, something about Dunkin just hits a nostalgic nerve for me and reminds me of home. It comforts me that much, which is both sad and marvelous.

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3. Hold On, We’re Going Home

Right now, “Hold On, We’re Going Home” is quite arguably my FAVORITE song. This is not a drill. This is not me basking in irony. It’s so good. Like Lionel Richie, fucking smooth and rich and delectable. Like R.Kelly. Smooth ass jams for the ear holes. I can listen to this on repeat more than I’d like to admit. But I mean, I will also be the first to admit that I loved his first album, Thank Me Later (and countless mixtapes). And that I was always rooting for Jimmy in Degrassi. But I don’t need to defend this any further. DRAKE IS AWESOME, OKAY!!?!?! (Also kind of cute and sweet I like those qualities in a man).

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4. On this same note, Drake Hands.

Quite possibly my favorite internet trolling to have ever happened. If you don’t know, just watch this link. I need not speak no further.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/starbucks-drake-hands

You know this changed your life.

It changed mine.

5. Halloween Parties

I fucking love Halloween. But why I love Halloween is the idea of going to a party and knowing anything can happen. Getting together and gossiping about how “Tinky Winky the teletubbie is totally making out with Amelia Earhart” is why Halloween is the best holiday. Even better when you’re totally intoxicated. Because when you’re drunk and you’re surrounded by Kid Rock, Willson from Castaway and random farm animals, you basically feel like you’ve transcended into some weird fantasy dream world. And it’s just so hard to wrap your head around all the silliness that is happening. Or maybe I just feel that way. Literally, for me, the building blocks for comedy happen at Halloween parties. Nothing is more hilarious than seeing Beetlejuice killing it alone on the dance floor to “Slow Motion” by Juvenile. Anything can happen and it makes me so incredibly happy. But I dunno guys, you get it or you don’t. I can’t explain why this is so hilarious for me, it will just ruin the magic.

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(These guys get it.)

6. Performance Art

I’ll admit, I used to hate performance art. I just didn’t get it. But that was young and naive me (the same me that didn’t like donuts. Who was I!?!?!?!!?). Marina Abramović. Tilda Swinton Sleeping in the MoMA. Miley Cyrus’s VMA performance (eh that one I’m still iffy about). All the reactions to these are what make performance art so brilliant. I like to test it out myself too. Saying things on the street as people pass you that are ridiculous to see how people react. Reactions are priceless. (I’ll admit that my love for this is a little ironic.) Ughhhh I’m Soo0o0o0o post modern. I can’t handle it, guys.

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Sleep Tight lil Tildie. I get what you’re doing.

7. ModCloth

As it is, I’m too into online shopping and adorable clothes with animal patterns on them. And Modcloth specializes in BOTH of those things. And it just pulls at all of my heart strings. Is it wrong that I only desire to have as much style that Zooey Deschanel has in her right pinky? I just want an effortless style that says “I’m cute and I’m quirky and I’ve seen Arcade Fire in concert four times.” I want a style that says “I got Zooey bangs once and I didn’t keep them not because they didn’t look good because I just changed as a person.” Also, is it wrong to admit that it gives me even more of an incentive to waste all of my money on ModCloth items because they give you a free gift with every purchase?! Sometimes the mystery of that alone just makes me buy something most of the times that I log on. The curiosity gets the best of me. I’m not proud of this. And not to mention, I can’t even handle their jewlery. Basically put anything cute on a necklace and I’m sold. I’ll admit that I would give up my dreams to  work for ModCloth if that meant extremely discounted clothes. I can dress like I’m an actress trying to be successful in the field of comedy. I wouldn’t need to actually do it.

GIVE ME THIS PUPPY NECKLACE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I NEEEEEEEEEED IT.

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8. Kanye West

Ok, so this is a little irrelevant to reiterate. Everyone knows I love Kanye West. And he will always be on my list of things I love right now. Because I will never stop loving him. But going back to number 6, Kanye West in my eyes is not only a creative genius (we all know he is, because he’s told us himself) but he doesn’t even realize that he’s probably the best performance artist of our time (or I mean he does know this but that makes it even better). He does all these things that people will hate so much (or maybe everyone is just predisposed to hate him for no reason) and he just milks the shit out of it. I mean he is with Kim Kardashian. Who doesn’t hate her?! It made everyone so angry, even me. And I love that I hated it. And then there was that time where he took the Confederate flag and put it all over his clothes. SO MANY PEOPLE WERE ANGRY! He is taking a symbol tied with much hardships and making it just that – a symbol that means nothing. ANYONE CAN TARNISH IT AND ITS MEANING. HE IS POOPING ALL OVER WHITE SUPREMECISTS. THAT IS FUCKING GENIUS. MY MIND BLOWS UP WITH THAT. I mean, at the very least, you have to respect someone who has such a firm opinion changing the world and staying true to who they are. He is against white supremacy, so obviously rocking the confederate flag was not supposed to be insulting. It was him making it his own, abolishing society’s connection to it. I can’t even articulate his genius. He just gets it. He is above everything. I can go on forever.

And there was that time with Taylor Swift. BECAUSE HE SAID WHAT EVERYONE WANTED TO SAY. How can you hate him for that? Awww come on. (Taylor Swift is so not what I will ever love right now).

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9. If you’re still reading, because my Kanye post could have made you extremely angry (that’s all I can ever hope for), number 9 on my Things I Love Right Now list, is Famous Women Who Have Awesome Movie Scenes Where They Get Totally Badass and Beat Up people.

Now this can possibly be a spoiler alert, so read on with caution (although if you haven’t seen Enough or Obsessed, WHO ARE YOU!? Especially if you’re a lady. SHAME.)

Let’s bring it back to  Enough. I mean we all know the story. J.LO runs away from her abusive husband. She changes her entire identity and takes self defense classes. When her crazy husband comes back, she woops his ass (and ultimately kills him).

Or how about Obsessed. Damn Beyonce really stomps that hussie up. Just like Nivea, Beyonce was all like “Don’t mess with my man, Imma be the one to break it to ya.” And she brought it to ya. In heels. Like the awesome kick ass perfect diva that she is. She stomps that white lady out (and ultimately kills her).

Disclaimer: These are my prime examples right now. I can’t think of any others. Just know that any other movie that has these qualities, I love.

Now like I mentioned, the actual quality of these movies are questionable. But as a woman, they are my ultimate guilty pleasure. They’re just the perfect lady thrillers. I mean I can only hope that I will have a real life fight scene like this in my life. Just one (and hopefully someone will be there to film it and edit it to make it look that awesome). ((This is minus the whole murder thing. Save that for the movies, amirite?))

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Beyonce when she got the dreaded call all like “o hell no bitch it is over for u lykeeee”

10. Last but not least, Slow Lorises.

Just look at their eyes. Look at their little fingers. Look at the little mysterious looks on their faces. What’re you up to little loris?!!?!?

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Because slow loris and if you don’t agree you probably have no heart.

Bonnaroo: The General Specifics

Bonnaroo Music Festival
Bonnaroo Music Festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lo and behold, turns out I am not very good at this blogging thing. I like to write on here, once I’m on, with as many posts I can squeeze into one night and then it will be all tumbleweeds for a month straight.

Well I obviously can’t just jump right into what I want to write about with absolutely NO context, so heres a little back story. I’ll give you the short version: Last month (approximately five weeks ago according to my instagram pictures) me and my roommate set out to Tennessee to attend the Bonnaroo Music Festival. How it happened was simple. Here is the timeline:

Facebook status update from one of my friends. I don’t remember which. It reads something very straightforward. Similar to “I’m going to Bonnaroo” or something along those lines. Maybe some !!!!’s

See: In it tagged, one of my good friends, Skylar.

I Facebook message Skylar to confirm.

She is excited. Plenty of: ahhhh’s, OMG’s, should i do it!?!?’s, and i wanna go so bad’s.

I get excited. I look at lineup.

I read that R.Kelly would be at Bonnaroo.

This has officially become a deal breaker.

I tell her I’m “sososososososoo” serious.

I buy them right then and there and am in the hole 300 bucks.

But….”R.Kelly,” i think.

So then I wondered how me and little Sky (she’s adorable) would get to Tennessee on our own. Now, I knew a few other people who went to my school but they were bringing their peoples, who were bringing their peoples, who were bringing their distant cousins. Also, I didn’t even have anything required for camping. Like, a tent perhaps.

Basically  me and Sky decided we’d be buddying up for this totally insane at the time (and still maybe now) adventure for some good old responsible, yet carefree, spontaneous fun.

So it happened. We were broke. We were dirty and gross. We had no way home. We somehow pushed through five days with no real bathrooms, the smell of the earth permanently permeating in our pores, and our only nutrition sources being  alcohol and greasy arepas. To add to all that, I even lost my ipod on a silly golf cart taxi ride.

With a 18+ hr. car ride there and an entire day at some airports around on the east coast back, (in soaking wet clothes) we somehow did it and we lived to tell the tale.

Bonnaroo was incredibly amazing. We experienced it all: the good, the bad, and the smelly (not ugly, though-everyone there was beautiful and happy and amazing). I recently saw this list on buzzfeed that listed “10 trips you NEED to take in your 20’s”. Bonnaroo specifically was featured with good reason.

I will post the live stream and hope that maybe you can understand.

I will also post the buzzfeed article and hope it inspires you to do something crazy like that least once.

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Now I just have SO MUCH TO SAY but I will post it in numerous other posts right after this one. YAY!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/henrygoldman/10-trips-you-need-to-take-in-your-20s

***side note I only took the ones that look like they’ve been taken on a crummy disposable. Electricity was hard to come by, people.