green tea fraps are not possible outside of starbucks walls.

I don’t know what the Starbuck’s baristas put into their green tea frappuccino, but maybe I don’t want to know. All I know is that shit is magical, so I decided to buy some matcha and try it on my own.

That’s the first mistake that was made. Don’t believe any of those “DIY” pinterest boards telling you that you can save $4 on a beverage by making it at home because they are all wrong. Those baristas make that sacred green tea beverage with love, or with crack, because whatever they’re doing never transfers to your own kitchen.

Anyway, this is my attempt. As you see, it has like a very pale, sickly kind of green tint, not so much a rich deep green color. Also, you see all the matcha flakes… woops. It looks more like a cream of spinach soup than a delicious green tea frozen treat.

To give myself some credit, it doesn’t tasteĀ badĀ exactly. It tastes like vanilla soy milk with a hint of green tea flavoring. Maybe I invented the first “green tea” flavored soy milk. Maybe this isn’t such a lose-lose.

With all this being said, I’m definitely going to try this again. I won’t rest until I know this major corporate secret. Or I’ll at least try until I run out of matcha powder (it’s expensive….fyi). I’ll be wasting $4 on these until then, too. Hashtag Challenge Accepted.